Quick everybody – hide under a desk!

Nothing like introducing a new strain of killer virus to feel so alive in the morning, right?

Human history has seen its share of actual epidemics/pandemics : the Plague (aka the Black Death/bubonic plague), the Spanish Flu (which also involved a strain of the H1N1 virus), along with bouts of infectious diseases such as tuberculosis and polio. 

I was planning on ranting about the currently popular H1N1, also named “Swine Flu“, and even though this virus can be deadly, I realized that my beef isn’t really with it : after all, its sole purpose is to make as many people sick as possible (pretty much like Paris Hilton’s acting skills), and so far it hasn’t set up a news conference to brag about what a good job it’s been doing.

No, my beef is mostly with an organization that DOES like to scare people : WHO.

The World Health Organization has been wrong once. The past few years, they’ve seemed to enjoy bringing unknown diseases into the media spotlight, and never specifically telling the public not to jump out of windows unnecessarily. No, it’s as though they rather enjoyed telling the public to “not panic, but be vigilant”, while nevertheless adopting a “better safe than sorry” attitude to defend their job. When the SARS story hit the news in 2003, it’s as though their message was : even though it can cause a horrible death, there’s really no need to worry : simply screen passengers in some high-risk areas, and that’s that.

Right. Don’t worry, folks…

The World Health Organization has been wrong twice.  The first few cases of H5N1(ie. Avian Flu) were reported as early as 1996, but in 2007, the director-general wrote that (WHO) ”has strongly advised and supported all countries to develop pandemic preparedness plans”.  So, even though WHO has only confirmed 262 human deaths (as of September 24, 2009) – in the span of about 6 years – it still considers it a pandemic. 

To put this in perspective, the all-knowing Wikipedia states that what we generally consider as being the “regular flu” (influenza) kills an average of 41,400 people each year in the United States.

The World Health Organization has been wrong…thrice? If crying wolf a couple of times didn’t work, what does one do? Cry wolf again!

The soup du jour is H1N1. Aren’t we lucky we’re not living in Canada, where Canadians are so panicked that they’ve waited for HOURS in line-ups to get government-paid vaccines? Sheep, those Canucks!

Well, ok – Canadians can afford waiting in line for hours during a workday. It’s not like they actually have real jobs up there or anything. I mean, most jobs usually require knowing how to count to the number 2.

Picture of the H1N1 thingy - no wonder I sucked in biology class.

The WHO has an agenda. When one reads the aptly named “WHO Agenda“, section 5 (entitled “Enhancing Partnerships”) states : WHO uses the strategic power of evidence to encourage partners implementing programmes within countries to align their activities with best technical guidelines and practices, as well as with the priorities established by countries.

Hmmm…strategic power of evidence…almost sounds like selective release of evidence, doesn’t it?

The WHO likes to hide behind definitions. Alright, if an epidemic means a disease that affects more people than normal/expected, and a pandemic means pretty much the same thing, only that it spreads in a larger area (say, many countries), then yeah : with such very general definitions, you can pretty much call a LOT of things a pandemic. Heck, next time they discover a new virus, I dare them to call it something scary like : Canadianus Baconitis.  

WHO is even boring enough to categorize pandemics in phases. Personally, I prefer the cute colour system of the Homeland Security Advisory System).

The problem I DO have is with the word “pandemic“. It’s a tad too morbid for my taste. I mean, when you can’t fluff up a word with a little humour, you know it’s the perfect stuff to inspire a Hollywood-type doomsday movie. Try saying “Peter Pandemic”. Not really funny,  is it? (well, ok, maybe it’s worth a giggle or a tee-hee. But that’s because I usually find my own jokes as being hilarious).

Some people are asking that WHO revise their definition of the word, but it’s not really in the mood to comply as long as we’re still IN pandemic mode.  

Now why can't everything be as beautiful as a rainbow?

Finally, I like this part they say about themselves :

WHO continues to help all countries respond to the situation. The world cannot let down its guard and WHO must help the world remain and become better prepared.

Ah… WHO’s your daddy?