The Beatles

Attacks on Nickelback by my fellow blogger Vic Stanley was cheap. It was almost like kicking a dead horse. Oops, sorry, did I just use a cliché. I know how he hates those. I am not saying that Nickelback don’t suck, but, come on, have the balls to go after some bigger names. Seeing how I have the said balls, I’ll go after a big name right off the bat and tell you why The Beatles suck.

The Beatles played pop music. I am not saying that’s a bad thing, I’m just saying that they were as guilty as any other past or current pop act of using the basic verse, chorus, verse, chorus format. They may have experimented a bit over the years, but their biggest hits remain pop music.

Backstreet Boys

The Beatles were a boy band. When I look at pictures or video during Beatlemania, I don’t see many guys there. The few guys that were in attendance were either there for the girls, or they were gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course). As embarrassing as this may be for Beatles fans, there is one more recent boy band who have trumped two of The Beatles’ biggest-selling classic albums. The Backstreet Boys’ album Millenium has sold 40 million units. The Beatles’ best album in sales is Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band with 32 million sales. And that’s despite the clear advantage that the average Beatles fan has bought the album in vinyl, 8-track, cassette and compact disc formats. On the flip side, the Backstreet Boys were robbed from many sales courtesy of Napster. Please, don’t give me your crap on how music sales don’t mean squat. That argument may apply to underground indy bands, but they don’t apply to The Beatles. People know who the Beatles are and they know who the Backstreet Boys are. The numbers are clear, black on white. So think about it, Sgt. Pepper’s has sold 32 million albums, in redundant sales, under multiple formats, over a 40-year span, while Millenium sold 40 million units in just 10 years. Oh, and did I mention that the Backstreet Boys’ self-titled debut album has sold as many units as The Beatles’ Abbey Road?

Paul McCartney let Michael Jackson buy the publishing rights to the majority of the John Lennon/McCartney compositions. What makes it so funny, is that McCartney was the one who introduced Jackson to the financial potential of music publishing.

They were far from being musical geniuses. They were simply stoned out of their minds when writing their songs. Sure, the Rolling Stones don’t have the most insightful songs, but then again they never set out to change the world with their music. They just wanted to have a good time rocking out, snorting some blow and doing some chicks. How egotistical can you be to think that your very own music can change the world. Not everyone is looking for deep lyrics and revolutionary compositions. Some people just want to let loose, dance and forget their daily problems.

Every Beatles’ song remake is better than the original. I’m not talking about sound quality, that’s a given.  Check out “Helter Skelter” by Aerosmith, “Yesterday” by Ray Charles and Our Lady Peace’s version of “Tomorrow Never Knows“, just to name a selected few.

Even John Lennon didn’t like the Beatles. In the song “God” by John Lennon/Plastic Ono Band, Lennon sings: “I don’t believe in Beatles/I just believe in me.”

Buddy Holly

Eric Clapton played lead guitar, including the solo, on While My Guitar Gently Weeps. No one from The Beatles was good enough to do it.

Yellow Submarine. ‘nough said.

Their fans act as though music didn’t exist before The Beatles. Um, what about Elvis, Chuck Berry, Jerry Lee Lewis, Buddy Holly, and Little Richard, just to name a few? They were as influencial on future artists as The Beatles.

They can’t spell. It’s beetles, not beatles.