Quick everybody – hide under a desk!

Nothing like introducing a new strain of killer virus to feel so alive in the morning, right?

Human history has seen its share of actual epidemics/pandemics : the Plague (aka the Black Death/bubonic plague), the Spanish Flu (which also involved a strain of the H1N1 virus), along with bouts of infectious diseases such as tuberculosis and polio. 

I was planning on ranting about the currently popular H1N1, also named “Swine Flu“, and even though this virus can be deadly, I realized that my beef isn’t really with it : after all, its sole purpose is to make as many people sick as possible (pretty much like Paris Hilton’s acting skills), and so far it hasn’t set up a news conference to brag about what a good job it’s been doing.

No, my beef is mostly with an organization that DOES like to scare people : WHO.

The World Health Organization has been wrong once. The past few years, they’ve seemed to enjoy bringing unknown diseases into the media spotlight, and never specifically telling the public not to jump out of windows unnecessarily. No, it’s as though they rather enjoyed telling the public to “not panic, but be vigilant”, while nevertheless adopting a “better safe than sorry” attitude to defend their job. When the SARS story hit the news in 2003, it’s as though their message was : even though it can cause a horrible death, there’s really no need to worry : simply screen passengers in some high-risk areas, and that’s that.

Right. Don’t worry, folks…

The World Health Organization has been wrong twice.  The first few cases of H5N1(ie. Avian Flu) were reported as early as 1996, but in 2007, the director-general wrote that (WHO) ”has strongly advised and supported all countries to develop pandemic preparedness plans”.  So, even though WHO has only confirmed 262 human deaths (as of September 24, 2009) – in the span of about 6 years – it still considers it a pandemic. 

To put this in perspective, the all-knowing Wikipedia states that what we generally consider as being the “regular flu” (influenza) kills an average of 41,400 people each year in the United States.

The World Health Organization has been wrong…thrice? If crying wolf a couple of times didn’t work, what does one do? Cry wolf again!

The soup du jour is H1N1. Aren’t we lucky we’re not living in Canada, where Canadians are so panicked that they’ve waited for HOURS in line-ups to get government-paid vaccines? Sheep, those Canucks!

Well, ok – Canadians can afford waiting in line for hours during a workday. It’s not like they actually have real jobs up there or anything. I mean, most jobs usually require knowing how to count to the number 2.

Picture of the H1N1 thingy - no wonder I sucked in biology class.

The WHO has an agenda. When one reads the aptly named “WHO Agenda“, section 5 (entitled “Enhancing Partnerships”) states : WHO uses the strategic power of evidence to encourage partners implementing programmes within countries to align their activities with best technical guidelines and practices, as well as with the priorities established by countries.

Hmmm…strategic power of evidence…almost sounds like selective release of evidence, doesn’t it?

The WHO likes to hide behind definitions. Alright, if an epidemic means a disease that affects more people than normal/expected, and a pandemic means pretty much the same thing, only that it spreads in a larger area (say, many countries), then yeah : with such very general definitions, you can pretty much call a LOT of things a pandemic. Heck, next time they discover a new virus, I dare them to call it something scary like : Canadianus Baconitis.  

WHO is even boring enough to categorize pandemics in phases. Personally, I prefer the cute colour system of the Homeland Security Advisory System).

The problem I DO have is with the word “pandemic“. It’s a tad too morbid for my taste. I mean, when you can’t fluff up a word with a little humour, you know it’s the perfect stuff to inspire a Hollywood-type doomsday movie. Try saying “Peter Pandemic”. Not really funny,  is it? (well, ok, maybe it’s worth a giggle or a tee-hee. But that’s because I usually find my own jokes as being hilarious).

Some people are asking that WHO revise their definition of the word, but it’s not really in the mood to comply as long as we’re still IN pandemic mode.  

Now why can't everything be as beautiful as a rainbow?

Finally, I like this part they say about themselves :

WHO continues to help all countries respond to the situation. The world cannot let down its guard and WHO must help the world remain and become better prepared.

Ah… WHO’s your daddy?

I guess that “justice” has been served again.

I don’t know – I’m no judge, but after seeing Plaxico Burress sentenced for 2 years for basically shooting himself in the leg, I’m a bit speechless. I know that the news has repeatedly stated that NY has tough laws around possessing weapons, but convicting Burress with ”Criminal Possession of a Weapon” sounds soooo serious. Hasn’t he been humiliated enough to shoot himself? Don’t celebrities / top athletes usually only get a reprimand, a fine that they can easily afford to pay, and perhaps some community service?

Celebrities are above the law. Some celebrities are repeat DUI offenders – shouldn’t a car be considered a weapon? I mean, what’s the “strike system” for celebrities? 10 strikes? I can only remember two serving some kind of jail time : Kiefer Sutherland and Paris Hilton. But wait – Paris only served 3 days of her sentence, and was allowed to beg her way out for “medical reasons”. Yet, if your name is Lindsay Lohan, as long as you don’t kill anybody with your car (chasing people with your SUV is ok, though), and you’re both drunk and in possession of cocaine, then it’s fine – no jail time for you! Ah… it must be nice having a celebrity vagina.

Never drink and drive ... without your lucky hat

O.J. Simpson. ‘Nuff said.

Drugs are bad, ok? Mr Mackey pretty much sums up what blowhard politicians keep saying about the War on Drugs. I mean, if there’s one thing Americans have learned well, it’s that throwing money at a problem will eventually fix it. The bigger the “problem”, the more money has to be thrown at it. Logical, right Watson? I don’t want to start the whole debate on marijuana decriminalization, but what the heck? One point on the subject : when so many people have smoked pot, or been involved with cannabis in one form or another, including past and present presidents (Washington, Jefferson, Clinton, Obama), should we reconsider marijuana the same way we abolished prohibition? Seems to me if the government took care of growing it (job creation + quality control), selling it (job creation), and taxing it (both income tax money from the new jobs + sales tax on the product), they’d be the ones making the money and putting a lot of drug dealers out of business. They could even take this new revenue and go after the real hard drugs.

Blame terrorists. Once upon a time, someone had to be proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt. Law enforcement officials actually had to collect stuff called evidence in order to incriminate someone. Nowadays, in order to be more “pro-active”, new systems exist where it’s believed that the government monitors all phone calls, email messages, etc for key words. I mean, why would privacy matter if terrorists are all around us? So, next time you kids text your friends with smutty stuff like : I’d like me some of that Paris Hilton lip action, remember: Big Brother is listening.

America is lawsuit crazy. Only in America can you be stupid enough to drive with hot coffee in between your legs while driving, and when the day comes that you finally get burned, you can turn around and sue McDonald’s because their coffee is “defective” (meaning, too hot).

Only in America can someone be stupid enough to plant fingers in a Wendy’s chili, and try to sue the fast food chain. Luckily for us, she was found guilty of making the whole thing up and the tables have been turned on her.

And only in America can you sue yourself. If you want to read on a few more stupid lawsuits, check this out .

Those Canucks up north. America keeps tooting its horn as being the land of the free, but it can’t hold a candle to those crazy Canucks up there. Justice up there often means a fine of 1 sled dog, and perhaps a couple of Saskatchewan seal skins. Sweet. 

Law-Abiding Canadian Citizen

Finally, I’m stuck with trying to find a witty conclusion, so I’ll go straight to the point with a question I’ve been asking myself : 

Had Burress shot BOTH his legs, would he have been sentenced to FOUR years, instead of two?